| How Is Your Love Life Anyway? |
Do you want to Love someone or Control someone? Control is about Fear & domination & it is not loving or caring. Recovery is really all about maintaining a good Relationship with yourself & other people. Many people new to Recovery have never been able to really experience or enjoy a good love relationship.
Since birds of the same feather always flock together children born & raised in dysfunctional families where Addiction or Alcoholism were present have a tendency to attract & marry people from the same type of or similar family background & repeat the Dysfunctional Family thing all over again.
members often take on the role of either an offender type or a victim type in subsequent romantic relationships.
& unconsciously Reenact their childhood abuse issues out on to their relationship partners. Victim types relate to their victimization & reenact their childhood abuse issues out on to themselves by unconsciously allowing themselves to become victim types in romantic relationships.
seemingly could care less & very seldom experience withdraw pain.
& experience excruciating & debilitating withdraw pain when abandoned by relationship partners.
& church related social events or recovery related activities ( There Seems To Be Matching Antennas ). The result is generally called A Match Made In Heaven ( Love At First Sight ).
relationship behavior is perfectly normal. Most of their dysfunctional relationship behaviors were modeled by their primary caretakers who inherited them from their primary caretakers ( Sins Of the Fathers, Family Secrets, Genetics ).
Over the years many of us have learned a few personal relationship self protective measures in the form of Personal Boundaries concerning this topic & we would like to share them with you: People who know who they really are do not & would not ever chase anyone. If someone is chasing them they put on their roller skates & get away & stay away from them. Either way you will only get Codependency & it will never be right. When someone shows up or comes into your life in a soft & gentle way & you become good mutual friends & then the two of you discover that you have something to do together that is a benefit to your world that you could not possibly perform or accomplish unless you were together as a married couple it will be right & the both of you will know that immediately. Angels in Ca-Hoots or The Holy Relationship ( George Emery ).
They will attempt to hide everything about themselves they would not want you to know about. They will go to great lengths to hide & cover-up all of their character defects & short comings.
until you finally move in with them & get back into the familiar family environment.
Then & only then will you know what they are really like behind closed doors in a romantic relationship. If they did it to them they will also do it to you & you can almost always count on that for sure.
& you allow yourself to become involved with them you could end up being the next person they accuse of being abusive to them ( Avoid Blamers ). Emotionally healthy people that practice Self Love who take good care of themselves & have good self protective personal boundaries in place would very seldom if ever choose or pick someone who would ever be abusive to them ( Did You Grab That? ). Why would anyone ever want to say or do anything to hurt someone they claim they love or care about?
you love & care about destroy themselves & their lives with compulsive addictive disease. Dysfunctional Compulsive Addictive Dependency Relationships: If you are the victim type & you choose to keep going back you will only get more of the same all over & over again.
that they do not have character defects or short comings that could make your life miserable. Beware of people who claim to be religious but do not live up to or practice what their religion teaches or demands of it's followers. You would be wise to avoid so called religious or spiritual people who like to have Sex outside of a loving & caring mutually committed monogamous relationship ( Dangerous Dysfunctional Relationship Behavior ). Bi-Polar means having or expressing two Contradictory ideas or qualities ( Bi-Polar Mania Hyper-Sexuality ). STD's: Alway ask direct questions about Sexually Transmitted Disease before you ask anyone out on a date or agree to go out on a date with anyone. Ask them if they have been infected with an STD in the past & if so which ones. If they try to avoid answering questions or refuse to disclose personal sexual behavior information that would help you to decide whether you would want to become romantically involved with them or not just do yourself a favor & kick them to the curb & move on ( let some other lucky adult child person have them & what runs with them ).
Sexually Transmitted Diseases together at the same time by the same medical personnel before engaging in any type of sexual intercourse, oral sex or exchange of body fluids with each other & refrain from these types of activities for a period of at least six months until a 2nd HIV test comes back negative. If your potential relationship partner refuses to go along with this you would be wise to get rid of them as quickly as possible as they simply are not very responsible or mature adults. Many of the STD's being spread around are incurable & permanently life damaging ( No Small Thing ). If your new sweetheart is going through a divorce or was recently divorced or broke up with a boyfriend or girlfriend you have no idea who his or her ex-spouse or relationship partner may have been sexual with or what kind of STD's they may have passed on to your new sweetie. The rule of thumb concerning possible STD contamination is simple. Do not trust anyone as any sexual contact you make with anyone who has ever had sexual contact with another person puts your Body Fluids in contact with the body fluids of at least 250 other people. Many of us in recovery men & women alike no longer desire to have another unknown person's body fluids put into or onto our bodies via sexually Promiscuous romantic relationship partners ( Unsafe People ). Be aware that 12 step recovery programs have an over abundance of promiscuous people men & women alike. Recovery for these unfortunate people is about no longer engaging in promiscuity as an act of self love.
Second time around marriages have an approximately 80% failure rate in USA. The first relationship after a long term relationship breakup or divorce almost always ends up in total failure.
often times better known as the my way or the highway mentality which makes for lousy one sided relationships.
needs, feelings or preferences.
which clearly makes them a risk for any man slow enough to fall for them just because of the way they look or how successful they are in their careers.
basically means men they can take power over & control simply by instilling the fear of abandonment in them.
much to offer them other than sex which these women can already get anytime they want in less than 5 minutes.
Enjoy your love life but best be careful & cautious about who you Choose to do that with or you will be made to suffer the unpleasant consequences ( Emotional Pain ) ( Romantic Rejection ). It is all in the healthy choices you make so be patient & shop around as it may take you a long while to come across someone who would ever be right for you.
in other family members & all of us in recovery have to accept that & try to make better choices for ourselves when it comes to romantic relationships.
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| Red Flags |
| If you do not love & care about yourself you can not love or care about others in a healthy way. |